1 May 2017

Hellllllo!

Switching over to this blog from my other one for Minervans only. That one has 144 posts from the last 6 months, so if you want to read it, apply to be a Minervan here thanks. 🙂

Arrived in Tucson at 7:30am this morning, after getting on a train exactly 24 hours earlier. Took the Coast Starlight to LA from Oakland, then the Texas Eagle/Sunset Limited to Tucson.

I created a wicked snapstory of the journey, which unfortunately did not save properly. I’ve been really getting into snapchat recently. Do you have any thoughts on

Leaving San Francisco on the Bay Bridge…

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^Crossing a bridge, overlooking the ocean, on/near Vandenberg Air Force Base.

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^We were often right over the water, crossing bridges or just on the side of the cliff.

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^A video I sent to my mom from the Lounge Car, used for sightseeing. We passed through cities, through towns, through the country… this train went through it all.


Today, I took my little brother and sister out for Eegees and Raging Sage and we talked about what surprises we wanted to plan for our dad’s birthday and mother’s day, which are this week.

One of the things I tell people about when I explain why I love Tucson is that nearly every time I go downtown, I see people I know. What do you know––when we were leaving the cafe, we ran into my friend James, who I’ve known since elementary school, who was on his way to pizza. It’s good to be home.

I also met with my professional advisor from Minerva about following up with a CEO of a startup who invited me for lunch to discuss potential summer opportunities last week. I feel like I’m stepping into an entirely new world, one I never envisioned for myself just a year ago, where I can tell my mom I’m following up on potential projects for assorted startups and VCs in San Francisco. It’s a good feeling, if a little scary. It’s the good scary. I’m growing.

Finally – this just came up on autoplay and I’ll leave it here. I am So. Excited. for Seoul…

Getting stuff done for me.

Today has been super productive! In the evening I opened up my room to anybody who wanted a workspace, and go 0 response, but hey. It worked for me!

  • crafted and sent 4 emails to organizations in Tucson I’ve worked with before asking for a phone call to discuss potential summer opportunities
  • emailed a volunteer coordinator about a position at Atlin Music and Arts Festival, my favorite Canadian music fest!
  • spent an hour cleaning my room (dear god it needed it), esp. my sink.
  • listened to a podcast on suicide deaths in the Arctic
  • got my new phone charger – somehow I came back from SXSWedu with three bases and a cord that didn’t work. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • talked with Julia about a time we could meet to get lunch
  • had a heart to heart with Connor over relationships / polyamory / crushes
  • went to a Symposium planning session at HQ + stayed after to discuss with Capri ❤
  • filed my taxes! cannot wait for that tax return!
  • applied for a new passport. was not expecting it to be $130. goodbye, tax return.
  • organized all RA funding things – found receipts, submitted expensify, recorded, requested the last of the budget…
  • posted this blog entry, a success in its own
  • journaled in my beautiful journalllllll
  • began my goal matrix on my wall, finally – to celebrate the little wins, and externalize+visualize goals and steps (once #breakitdown and #gapanalysis are applied), I’m writing things on colorful paper and putting them on my wall.
  • listened to quality music all day! gotta love that spotify premium. Pogo, Portugal. The Man, Moon Taxi, and now Electric Guest, just listening to their albums. Good good good.
  • talked to my dad 😀
  • going to bed before 1am. My sleep scedule has been off, but I hope to get it on track. (Actually no that’s a lie – I hope to get readings done the night before at least, so I can stop having to get up at 7am each morning to do them! then I could go to bed a little later, e.g. 12am (extended 1am), and wake up at 8:30.

Overall one of my most productive days lately. As soon as I thought of something, I went and go it done. And kept doing that.

I didn’t get an internship with Minerva this summer, sadly. But I also felt a sense of relief when I heard, that comes from having my freedom restored. There are so many things I want to do this summer. Having a 40 hour/week continuation of school was going to be a little hard.

I feel like I’m also breaking free of what Minerva wants me to do with my time. I’ve spent most of my life in control of much of my time, because I set it up that way. I picked schools that would allow me freedom, and exercised that control. Senior year, I ditched school every Friday and got a job.

Here, I easily spend a substantial portion of my time doing pre-class readings, class, and assignments. Other time goes to Minerva built activities and opportunities.

It’s been a little too easy to lose free will; to let such heavy structure make me forget how to find and work towards my own personal interests.

So, when Minerva announced we’d be cutting ties for the summer… I realized – I’m not doing anything they’ve designed for me. I didn’t get that fancy internship all Minervans are suppose to have. How I spend my summer is 100% in my own hands…

… and I’m relishing the power.

Which I think contributed to this heightened feeling of productivity today. Suddenly, the why –– why apply to internships, to jobs; why finish readings early, why do well on your assignments –– came from me. wanted an internship because it called to me. I wanted a job for my bank account and job skills. I wanted to finish readings early so I could go outside and play. I wanted good grades because 1) personal satisfaction and 2) they look good on paper when I find a place to lay that paper down.

The motivation shifted from your school / some unspoken force wants this from you to I want this for myself for my own reasons.

That internalized drive has made all the difference today. It’s made all the difference before. And it will continue to.

All I need now is to 1) keep this drive through the summer, and more pressingly, 2) immortalize this drive so it doesn’t disappear again next year.

Cheers.

Lisa

Today I met Lisa, who lives on a boat in the San Francisco harbor. They’ve lived there for a year and a half now, sometimes sailing, sometimes coming onto the mainland.

I struck up a conversation when I saw them reading Ender’s Game in the same spot I’d been reading Armada (which mentions Ender’s Game several times) two nights previously. They immediately invited me to sit down, and explained how they were excited that they’d finally found a used copy of the book. Apparently, Orson Scott Card (the author) is a bit of a “burn the gays” type, so Lisa didn’t want to contribute at all to his royalties. A used copy resolves that concern without hindering their pursuit of literature.

I couldn’t stay long, because I was off to the Middle East 10:01 (a presentation about the region by my classmates from that area, followed by delicious food and dancing), and already late.

But I stayed as long as I could. The joy at meeting somebody in the City, at the simplicity of a chance encounter, even the novelty of chatting with somebody who is not from my school, made my heart lift.

(Speaking of hearts lifting – dancing a workout to Beyonce destroys slothfulness in limbs and mind, I found. Not a fan of exercise, but I may have to pursue it more despite that fact for the after effects.)

I’ll see Lisa again on Tuesday for a meet-up. Today is Sunday.

I can’t wait.

Doodles and musing

Drawing – Playing with color. 


The angst is strong right now with this one.

One day into break, and I’m already bored out of my mind and left with conflicting desires to run and leap, and sleep all day.

Much needed chores got done – I went to walk a dog Dana is taking care of while she’s away for break, cleaned and wiped down my fridge, went grocery shopping, washed dishes, put away laundry, changed bed sheets… All the things that normally get put off during the week.

I slept in today and woke up feeling rested for the first time in a week, testimony to many late nights with the newly-found queer community here in San Francisco. It rained most of the day, so I was content to lie in bed and futz around on my computer (John Oliver + Steven Colbert? I didn’t think life could get this good.)

By 4, I couldn’t ignore the fact I’d been mostly chewing on almonds and leftover leftovers. The rain had let up, so I walked over to Trader Joe’s. I’d have liked to bike, but I was nervous about coming back with heavy bags of groceries on the handle bars, especially in the rain, especially on an unfamiliar route.

I use to love biking for the sake of biking. In Tucson, I’d take my black hybrid out twice a day or more to get to class, work, internship, the store, or my parents’ house. At night I put on a playlist cleverly named “night ride” with those songs that made my feet twitch and rode all over campus and the surrounding area. Limits were only drawn at stairs.

Here in San Francisco, biking is scary. There are only a few streets that have a bike lane, and even then there are Ubers and pedestrians and trash to constantly look out for. I never ride with earbuds in. It has become a way to cheaply get from point A to point B, a journey to be endured for the sake of saving money and (theoretically) time. There are too many close calls with cars, too many risky decisions to be made every time I touch the road. It’s become a chore.

I’ve heard the biking is better in some of the other cities. I can only hope that’s the case. Regardless, I will wait for Tucson.

And so, I walked to Trader Joe’s. I came back. I ate food. I watched Netflix. (Three different shows/movies and two trailers.) I turned off Netflix two hours later, unsatisfied.

I walked through the entire dorm, looking for lights in rooms.

Few were home.

Angst ruled.

Grr.

I think Minerva has really changed the way I enjoy passing time. Normally, I have hours of work a day just to keep up. The sudden freedom has left me unsure of how to relax. Over the last 31 days, carefully logged through TimeCamp, I spend 3-4 hours (7-8 hours on four or five occasions) a day on homework, studying, and work-study.

I think the worst part about being angsty is that other people can poke fun at you and destroy you. It’s easy to lose sight of your point, to give bad evidence, etc. etc, and that leaves you vulnerable to those who have a clear head and want to needle you.


Anyways – I wrote this a few days ago, and it’s been sitting on my computer waiting for the conclusion. There’s not much more to say though, except I’m not angst ridden anymore. It passes, as all things do. Cheers. 🙂