Doodles and musing

Drawing – Playing with color. 

The angst is strong right now with this one.

One day into break, and I’m already bored out of my mind and left with conflicting desires to run and leap, and sleep all day.

Much needed chores got done – I went to walk a dog Dana is taking care of while she’s away for break, cleaned and wiped down my fridge, went grocery shopping, washed dishes, put away laundry, changed bed sheets… All the things that normally get put off during the week.

I slept in today and woke up feeling rested for the first time in a week, testimony to many late nights with the newly-found queer community here in San Francisco. It rained most of the day, so I was content to lie in bed and futz around on my computer (John Oliver + Steven Colbert? I didn’t think life could get this good.)

By 4, I couldn’t ignore the fact I’d been mostly chewing on almonds and leftover leftovers. The rain had let up, so I walked over to Trader Joe’s. I’d have liked to bike, but I was nervous about coming back with heavy bags of groceries on the handle bars, especially in the rain, especially on an unfamiliar route.

I use to love biking for the sake of biking. In Tucson, I’d take my black hybrid out twice a day or more to get to class, work, internship, the store, or my parents’ house. At night I put on a playlist cleverly named “night ride” with those songs that made my feet twitch and rode all over campus and the surrounding area. Limits were only drawn at stairs.

Here in San Francisco, biking is scary. There are only a few streets that have a bike lane, and even then there are Ubers and pedestrians and trash to constantly look out for. I never ride with earbuds in. It has become a way to cheaply get from point A to point B, a journey to be endured for the sake of saving money and (theoretically) time. There are too many close calls with cars, too many risky decisions to be made every time I touch the road. It’s become a chore.

I’ve heard the biking is better in some of the other cities. I can only hope that’s the case. Regardless, I will wait for Tucson.

And so, I walked to Trader Joe’s. I came back. I ate food. I watched Netflix. (Three different shows/movies and two trailers.) I turned off Netflix two hours later, unsatisfied.

I walked through the entire dorm, looking for lights in rooms.

Few were home.

Angst ruled.


I think Minerva has really changed the way I enjoy passing time. Normally, I have hours of work a day just to keep up. The sudden freedom has left me unsure of how to relax. Over the last 31 days, carefully logged through TimeCamp, I spend 3-4 hours (7-8 hours on four or five occasions) a day on homework, studying, and work-study.

I think the worst part about being angsty is that other people can poke fun at you and destroy you. It’s easy to lose sight of your point, to give bad evidence, etc. etc, and that leaves you vulnerable to those who have a clear head and want to needle you.

Anyways – I wrote this a few days ago, and it’s been sitting on my computer waiting for the conclusion. There’s not much more to say though, except I’m not angst ridden anymore. It passes, as all things do. Cheers. 🙂